| "Fellers?" said Old Man Engler, "there are people out there in this here country who think they can
go on television or radio and tell the truth about us. I'm here today to say WE
GOTTA PUT A STOP TO THAT RIGHT HERE AND NOW!" The cattlemen all cheered! "And I got the money to do it!" More cheers! "Are ya in?" |
 Old Man Engler addressed the Cattlemen's Assocation |
| Several cattlemen stepped forward
saying, "Deal me in! I want a piece of that Oprah and
Lyman, too!" "I'm gonna have my son, Doc Mike, spearhead this operation. Whattaya say, Mike?" Old Man Engler's son jumped up and shouted, "Daddy! That First Amendment ain't carved in stone. Not no more!" "Alrighty, Doc Mike. Now you get the boys and the lawyers together and we'll figger out all the lies we can tell in court. We'll send that Miss Oprah a message she and all those other saloon-keepers will get loud and clear: Don't you put no vegiteerians on yer show!" |
 "Doc" Mike Engler |
So, the cattlemen put on a Prayer Meetin' around the
campfire, burned a few books, drank a few beers, and groped each other under their sheets.
It were a real fun party!
The drunker they got, the better legal theories they dreamed up.
"I know! We'll
blame her cause people don't want to eat our disease-riddin', cancer-causin' meat no more!
We'll say it's her fault!"
Old man Engler turned to his lawyer: "Coyne? Will it stick?"
"No way in hell!" Coyne responded. "But I know some whore experts who'll say anything we want and I'll have some bogus data put on a computer disk (no one will check!) and that oughta cost her at least five million cause she'll have to move her saloon down here!"
Doc Mike spoke up: "Listen, while we're all together, I've been meanin' to get a vote on a new brand for our gang. Lookey here and tell me which brand best represents us!"
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