Now Miss Oprah, she's a right sociable kind a gal who's bright and funny and reeeeeeeeal purty. And people come from far and wide just to sit around her place and chew the fat.
One fine spring day, Miss Oprah invited some folks over to her saloon to palaver about what we're all eatin' fer supper. Miss Oprah's real nice, and wanted to let the townfolk talk about iffin their grub is safe as your mamma's famous cornbread and chilli.
So they got to jawin' about them pesky little e-colii bugs -- comes from cow-doody, and can make ya sicker'n a dawg with a ten foot tapeworm. That sounds real bad, don't it?
Well, that ain't even the half of it. One a Miss Oprah's guests, Marshall Lyman, said something we don't none of us want to know: "They's grindin' up cows and feedin' 'em to they mommas and daddys and brothers and sisters and all the rest of the herd! And them people with the funny accents down England way, they say they got the Mad Cow because they was eatin' cows that ate cows, too! And that Mad Cow ain't purty! Puts more holes in your haid than a six-shooter!"
Why it's enough to make the good Lord want ta send down a bolt of lightning and sweep that whole passle of cattlemen off ta Kingdom Come!
Miss Oprah said, "No! No! That kaint be true! Cows are supposed to eat grass, not cows!" Everone in the saloon gasped with dismay.
"Yep, it's true alrighty," said Mr. Will Hueston, "but it ain't so bad cause they ain't no Mad Cow here no ways, so no reason to stop feedin' cows to cows until it gits here!" Good point, Will, and hey, them cattlmen is makin' 5 trillion dollars a year! We wouldn't want to do nothin' to hurt their bankroll now, would we?!
But that didn't give no comfort to Miss Oprah. "I ain't never eatin' no more cows long as I'm on God's good green earth!"
Miss Oprah don't need no holes in her haid! She's seen what peoples is like when they brains is turned to corn mush -- why she has to speak with them network exekytives ever day!